Journal writings for the Year 2000
July August September October November December
Sunday, July 23rd
Reflections on Europe
Whenever I travel I feel as though returning home will bring about some sort of transformation. Those insecure parts of myself I wish to change might be magically altered as a result of being away from home. I've been through this enough times that I know this rarely happens. And yet as I contemplate my return I always seem to dwell on turning over a new leaf. My trip to Europe was no different. It's been two weeks since my return. Enough time has past that now seems a relevant time to reflect on how my experiences in Europe have impacted me.
When I was in France, I marveled at the simplicity of life. I idealized what I viewed to be a moderate pace to life. The lack of space in Parisian apartments necessitates that all possessions be small and functional. Here at home there is space to file and stack all of my books and music and clothes and things. These possessions make me feel comfortable and I enjoy being surrounded by them. But I also recognize them as not essential to my life. While I recognize the comfort my possessions bring me, I also romanticize the notion of being free from material things. This leaves me with a desire to simplify my life and bring a higher level of efficiency to my daily routine. Organization appeals to me and I enjoy having a clean orderly living environment. So, while recognizing the value of my possessions, I have sought to impose greater order. In practice this has meant a whole lot of cleaning. My apartment is never that disorganized, so in reality there has been little noticeable change in appearances. But the bathroom is now cleaned, the floors swept and mopped and the dishes always cleaned and put away. Not much of a change I admit, but one that has brought me some level of comfort.
I admire the way the French take their meals. A meal is an event. Time is taken for a meal. When people are eating, they are eating, they are not preoccupied with other events. When I am at home, meals are taken on the run. I eat when I have the time, and while eating I'm generally taking care of other things as well. I often view eating as an inconvenience, something that gets in the way of progression on my ubiquitous "to do" list. The result is a lot of salty snacks and shitty convenience foods. And so I have resolved to make time for meals. I enjoy cooking, but it always seems to be such a hassle. First you must have the ingredients, then you have to prepare the meal, then you eat and have to clean up all the dishes. Who has time for all of that? Well, I do. There's always more time in the day than I believe. I often feel as though I'm constantly running, but in reality that's simply not the case. This seemingly little change in my behavior has proven to be quite difficult. I'm taking it a step at a time. First, I have started to do my grocery shopping more frequently. I buy only what I will need for the next couple of days. I would like to begin planning my meals in advance, though I don't know exactly how well that will go over. I have a desire to stop the snacking and focus on three meals a day. It's weird, but you rarely see Parisians walking around snacking and sucking on a soft drink. It's such a part of our culture that it seems strange to alter it. Seems like I've always got a Coke or Iced Tea or something I'm toting around with me. Anyway, I aspire to these things. As I have said, it's been a difficult change to make.
About a week ago I realized that my mindset had slowly returned to the one I had before making the trip. I was feeling lethargic, bored, and generally unhappy. I had hoped that travel would break this cycle. No such luck. I've come to understand that I am happiest while traveling. I'm comfortable in new and unfamiliar surroundings. I view setbacks as adventures, and have confidence in working them out. I enjoy walking around new cities and easily forget any troubles I may have left at home. Each day is something new, with new experiences around every corner. I am happiest while traveling. At home I get caught up in all the minutiae of daily life. While I'm at home I'm emotionally tied to events in my life. While traveling, there's no attachment, only the moment to moment experiences that I can take without any sense of attachment to the outcome. Is this making any sense at all? I'll try once more. While traveling, I'm free to go with whatever situation arises. Here at home I care about how situations arise because I'm emotionally attached to the outcome. Whether it's maintaining relationships with friends and worrying if so-and-so will call me, or having something to do tonight, I allow the situation to dictate my emotional mindset. Anyway, the end result of this is that I'm happy while traveling. The downside of this is that I often measure my level of happiness at home against the joy I feel while I'm on the road. I know it's comparing apples and oranges, but it still kind of sucks. Too bad I can't seem to find a way to feel as though I'm traveling while at home. Any suggestions?
Traveling through France and to London was a really amazing experience. I was a bit nervous since this was my first trip overseas. Having Julie ease us into staying in Paris was really helpful. I'm glad I was able to do it, and now I'm looking forward to going back as soon as possible. Next up? Hopefully Ireland. We shall see. After traveling to Europe, travel through the US doesn't seem as exciting. I've been pretty much everywhere in the United States. Alaska remains the only state I haven't visited. I hope to get there soon as well. I guess I don't have much else to say. There's a day to day account of our trip, with links to some pictures we took, as well as an thumbnail index of all the photographs linked to the trip journal. Check them out if you're interested. Hopefully I'll continue to add to this web-based journal on a regular basis. That's it for now.
Sunday, July 30
Well, it's been a week since I wrote that last entry. I can already feel myself slipping into those old habitual patterns that I know so well. Caught up in laziness and lethargy, every day it takes a little more effort to climb out of exhaustion and face the day. I'm physically beaten and emotionally drained. By nothing. Too much time on my hands has led me to a virtually complete standstill. I keep myself busy with all the little things: doing dishes, picking up the apartment, pecking away at emails and staring into space. I don't feel like I'm accomplishing anything, and yet there's nothing to accomplish. I have so much time on my hands that it only takes a few moments a day to keep the apartment clean and stay on top of whatever may arise. It's strange, I have time to do whatever I please, and yet what I choose to do is nothing. At least nothing that I feel is of substance. Perhaps therein lies the catch. I'm not sure what I could do that I would view as being of value. Does hanging out and socializing with friends count? How about doing laundry and catching up on email, or keeping a clean apartment? I should think they would, but I hardly count those as "doing" anything at all. I expect myself to finish those tasks. I suppose in order to feel better about things in general I should tackle some new tasks. I certainly have the time. My journal is replete with attempts to "turning over a new leaf" and "starting today" and such. And yet I always face the same person in the mirror. Nothing really changes, but I feel I must continue to try. Perhaps that's twisted logic. But it's mine, and I'll stick with it. Funny how those things that you feel good and comfortable with about yourself are dwarfed in significance by those demons that whisper in your ear, reminding you of those things that lead you to insecurity. So here we go again. I've been in the house pretty much all day, and I'm about to start climbing the walls. It's time to start all over once again and see if we can't get things moving once again. We'll see if we can't get this leaf to turn over one more time...
Sunday, August 6
Hmm...seems like I was supposed to "turn over a new leaf", but all I've managed to do in the last week is gather up all the leaves that have fallen. I've spent a lot of time on "the little things" in the last week. I've successfully avoided taking on anything new by spending all of my time on little things that need to be done. The apartment is clean. Very clean. The inbox of my email account is empty, and all of my finances are in order. The dishes are done and everything has been filed, some things more than once. Yes, everything is in its place and my world is in order. I spend most of my afternoons moving around the apartment doing these small tasks and yet when someone asks me what I've been up to, or what I did today, my answer is invariably "nothing". I feel like I need a project. I also feel like I'm just repeating what I wrote last week. Damn. One week gone and nothing's changed. Well, that's not exactly true. I've been attempting to be more social. I've been making phone calls and trying to get out of the apartment as much as possible. Today I went to Fuel with Jae for about 45 minutes. That's not a lot of time, but it counts, and it was good to hang out with her and catch up on things.
It seems like a lot of my friends are worrying about money at the moment. It seems like the end of summer is the time to start making new plans and devising new strategies for the coming season. I guess that makes sense. Many of us have had time off of work or school for summer and Autumn brings a more structured and regimented schedule. We've enjoyed our Summer, but many of us are figuring out that we've spent too much money in the last couple of months, or we've been a bit lazy about this or that. So now I've been hearing a lot of talk about "getting it together" and "getting organized" and such. I'm right there with them. It almost feels as though we're all making New Year's resolutions or something.
Yesterday was Molly's birthday. Happy Birthday Molly! She had a few people over for a potluck and a good time was had by all. She has some truly amazing friends. It made me appreciate the friends that I have as well. It is a good thing.
Sunday, August 13
Sunday already. Seems like I just typed the last entry. I'm at my Mom's cabin in the northern woods of Wisconsin. I spent all of my summers up here when I was growing up so it's full of memories; some good, some bad. I'm typing this from what used to be my Dad's room. He died in a car crash up here last summer. You can feel my Dad's presence here more than anywhere else. Everywhere you look there are scraps of paper with notes he wrote, music cassettes, photographs, clothes, all sorts of stuff. I had to clean all of it up and get it organized for my Mom because she couldn't face it alone. It's been a hard year.
My Mom wants me to come up here a lot in the summers. This creates a slight friction between us because summer is the only time that I can travel extensively. It's also the best time of the year to be in Milwaukee. There's all sorts of things going on and I don't want to spend a great deal of time at the cabin. I love it up here, but if I'm up here without friends, there really isn't all that much for me to do. My Mom and Grandma need me to take care of all sorts of chores that they can't take care of on their own. Tonight I'm sporting two huge blisters on my hands from chopping down a sizeable tree with an axe and taking down numerous others with a chainsaw. I always hate cutting down trees. There's something about walking around with a chainsaw in your work glove covered hands though. Makes me feel blue collar. No, there's something more than that. I guess I want to pass it off as novelty, but honestly, I think it kind of makes me feel competent. Taking on a big physical job and finishing it all covered in dirt and sweat makes you feel like you're a bit more in control. Like you really can take care of things. I don't know if that makes any sense at all. But I got to play with a chainsaw today, and it felt pretty good. My hands hurt though. ouch.
Sunday, August 20
School starts this week. I must admit to being a bit nervous. I've always got a few butterflies flying about in my stomach right before I go back to school. For anyone who may not know, I teach history and economics at a public high school here in Milwaukee. It's an alternative school for kids who, for one reason or another, have fallen behind in their credits. We give them the opportunity to earn credits a bit more quickly and help them graduate. In order to get into our school you must already be at least one year behind your age level. This means that we really don't get any students who are younger than 16 or so. Most of our students come from broken homes and are pretty poor. I like my job and I'm happy to be placed in a situation where I think I'm actually doing some good. Our class sizes are very small and I really get to know most of the students I have. I wouldn't be able to do that in a regular size high school with 35 students in every class and no time to communicate with any of them on anything but the most superficial level. The school is called Kilmer South High School. I'm damn happy to be working there.
And yet I'm a bit nervous. Like I said, this happens every year. I get rapidly accustomed to my summertime schedule of staying up until around 3 in the morning and sleeping until 11. It's very easy to do. Now it's going to come back and bite me. Ouch.
Sunday, August 27
The first week of school passed without incident. Seems there was nothing to be nervous about at all. Many of my students are returning from last year, so it's not like starting over completely from scratch. It's interesting to watch the new students acclimate themselves to a new school environment. Some are quiet, looking around nervously, others are boisterous and conceal their nervousness with boasts and inflated chests. The routine remains the same year after year. The faces never seem to change, only the clothing style and the slang differs with each passing year. The returning students float about the hallways confidently calling out to the teachers by name and eagerly filling in the new kids on how things work at our school. It's quite comforting in its own way.
I chat with the other teachers, and we exchange stories about our summer. It's strange how I can work with these people day after day and never really let them into my world. I guess I think they wouldn't understand. Even if I felt they could, I don't know if I have the words to describe it. For the most part my fellow teachers are nice people. Most of them are in their forties and fifties with families and nice stable lifestyles. They often talk to me about how it must be so nice to be young and able to do all of the things that I do. I tell them that there's no reason that they can't. But they've made their decisions to stay home and watch television and raise their families. When I told them I was going to Chicago for a show they looked at me in disbelief. "So you won't be in tomorrow?" No, I say, I'll be here. "But it's a weeknight!" Yup. Staying in during the week seems to be an unwritten law that few of my colleagues dare break. Most of the time I try to keep to myself as much as possible and keep contact with other teachers to a minimum. Not that I have anything against any of them; we get along really well. But there's no real connection between us and small talk quickly grows tiresome.
Getting up so early is painful. It physically hurts. Everything cell in my body is screaming to stay tucked away under my covers. And yet I drag myself into the shower and wake up ever so slowly. Mornings=bad.
Sunday, September 3
Life is merely a collection of to-do lists. Finish most of one (completely finishing one is an impossibility), transfer the remains to another new one and start all over. Lather, rinse, repeat. The only time I feel as though I can truly step out of that routine is when I'm on vacation. It's no wonder I like to travel so much.
I've been thinking about friends a lot. I was at a show recently and as I looked around I realized how young many of my friends are. I think the average age of my friends is 24. But the strange thing is that it's been 24 for quite a few years now. Seems they never get older. Old friends fade away (or move away) and new ones (younger ones) emerge, seemingly without effort. Often I don't even notice. I can't remember where or when I met most of my friends. It's just weird, it's as though my friends never change, they'll stay young and beautiful forever. This really struck home for me a couple of nights ago when I saw a girl that I've seen around a lot. She works at the Couch and I don't know her name, but we've seen each other around and both recognize one another. At some point there will come a time in which we're both in the same place at the same time and we'll wind up talking and possibly become friends. She's probably 20 or so. But here's the weird thing. She reminds me of an old friend who when I met her reminded me of yet an older friend. This oldest friend is probably around 30 now. It's just strange. So what am I to do? Shall I continue to recycle friendships with twenty-somethings or cling tenaciously to the friends I've got and refuse to let them slip through my grasp? Both options are unacceptable. It's not a pretty thing to contemplate.
Sunday, September 10
End of the weekend. I feel as though it hasn't even started. Molly and I hung out on Friday. We walked around campus and she posted flyers for the upcoming College Feminists meeting. Saturday I drove up to the cabin and helped Mom and Grandma clean and shut up the cabins for the winter. It was quite a bit of work, and it made the days pass quickly. I pulled in the boats and mowed and fertilized the lawns and took down the screen doors. Stuff like that. Today was more of the same. I got home just moments ago and I'm still unwinding. I don't have too much to say, I've got that exhaustion you get after travel. I'm all wiped out, but my mind is still running like mad. Sleep won't come easily tonight.
I told Mom that I'm not very interested in coming down to Houston over Christmas. She didn't seem to mind at all. I asked if she wanted to go anywhere with me, but she didn't seem too interested.
School's going well. I gave the students a project in which they had to create a civilization. They're working in groups and creating maps, flags, governments, economic systems, political institutions, the works. They're really taken to it in earnest and it has made for an easy and interesting work week. Tomorrow will be the last day for them to work on it. Then it's back to the regular grind. It's been a good break though. I still get excited when I can engage the students like this.
Monday, September 18
Seems like I had a busy weekend, but I'm not entirely sure. Thursday night was pretty great. Molly and I went to Paddy's and had an amazing conversation. I think some of the happiest times I have had involve just sitting around and talking with friends. That shouldn't really surprise me I guess.
Sara Alauf married Ali yesterday. Molly and I got all decked out in pretty clothes for the wedding. It was held at the Milwaukee Domes, and was a nice setup. Neither one of us felt entirely comfortable there. The reception we got from Sara was cool, and we wrote it off to nerves. It must be difficult to get married. It's supposed to be "your day", but you know you're going to be worn out from meeting and greeting everyone and making sure that everything is going just right. Plus everyone is going to want a piece of your time. So I can understand why she may have felt a bit overwhelmed. We didn't stay very long. We watched the ceremony then pretty much beat a path on home. Weddings are not really my thing.
If Molly and I had stayed together, this would have been our 2 year anniversary. Weird. Perhaps I should reflect a bit on that, but I'm choosing against it. I spend enough time on that subject. Moving on.
Sunday, October 1
This is the story of the theft of my laptop. If you're not interested, which is completely understandable, skip right over this one...
On Thursday, September 21st, a student stole my laptop from my desk at school. That's the reason I don't have an entry in here from last week. It's quite an involved story, but I'll give a brief overview. It's passing time between 7th and 8th hours. I step into class and my student Amanda approaches me to ask me what assignments she missed while she was gone. I look around and...I swear I brought my computer in here...but it must be on my desk in my office. I head back to the office. It's not there. I'm confused. I know it had to be either in my office or in the classroom. I begin to look around. Panic rises. It's not anywhere to be found. I'm embarrassed. I tell Mr. Reeves and our security guy Mr. Erchul that I think someone has either taken or hidden my laptop. They decide to search all of the students as they leave the building. At this point I'm flushed and quite embarrassed. Mr. Erchul goes to the security cameras and tries to locate anyone leaving the building between 7th and 8th hours. No luck. The security sweep doesn't turn up anything. I know that it must be someone who was in 7th hour class and not in 8th hour class. I go home without knowing anything. Friday is a banking time day, so there's no student attendance. I start narrowing down the possible students. I hope it's not one of "my" students. That is to say, one of the students that I've taught or been in contact with for any significant period of time. At first I think it may be Danny Rogelio. He's a student that I had at Project Excel and now at Kilmer. But it turns out that he had simply ducked into gym 8th hour.
I go to the police department on Friday and report the computer as stolen. I then spent the weekend thinking of all the information that I had lost. I got a bit concerned about the loss of my financial data as well as this website and other stuff I had never bothered to back up. It was all of the little things that I realized I had used my computer for that was the most frustrating. I had a list of my friends' phone numbers and addresses, but it was old. Thankfully I had printed out a list of missing assignments so I had all of the students grades on hand. I didn't even know how much money I had in any of my bank accounts.
I spent the weekend and the first part of Monday dealing with the MPS email system, and working through getting it set up so I could dump my Earthlink account. During advisory period I had three students come up to me at different times and tell me who had stolen my computer. The culprit's name is Joe. To some extent this comes as a relief. I've never had any kind of a relationship with Joe. He's been a pain in the ass to pretty much everyone, and he's doesn't attend school enough for anyone to make any kind of impression on him. I'm relieved that it wasn't one of "my" students. Anyway, Joe shows up in class looking quite nervous, but says things like "I heard somebody stole your computer" and such. It takes pretty much all the control I have to ignore him. After class the police show up. I had plenty of students who had "heard" about Joe taking the computer, but I needed someone to have seen him with it. I finally located that student. He came down to the office somewhat reluctantly. He told the officer that he had seen Joe with the computer on the bus. That was enough for the officer and Joe was taken away in handcuffs. Can't say that I minded seeing that too much.
Well, it turns out that Joe didn't spend too much time in custody. The police had called his mother when they took him away, and Joe was on his way home by three p.m.. The mom also went so far as to call the school and tell Mr. Reeves that they had accused the wrong boy and Joe hadn't done anything wrong. Yikes. Joe then had the nerve to show up at school on Wednesday. I was furious. He hadn't even had a three day suspension! There was absolutely no way that I was going to have him in my classroom. He even had the nerve to taunt me in the hallway. But it didn't last very long. The other students were riding him pretty hard. Everyone knew that he had been the one to steal my computer so they were all giving him tons of shit. He finally struck out at Jeremy of all people. He claimed that Jeremy had snitched on him to the police. This is ridiculous because Jeremy wasn't even in school that day. Anyway, there was almost a fight and Joe wound up getting sent home once again.
Yes, there's more... The kid who said he had seen Joe with the computer on the bus got cold feet. He went to Mr. Reeves and retracted his statement. But by that time it was a mute point. We had also found another student who had been approached by Joe for a ride home after he had stolen my computer. This kid wasn't afraid of Joe at all and was perfectly willing to stand up and say what he had heard. He said I was a cool teacher and thought it was a messed up situation. And there was more and more and more... Mr. Erchul went to Southridge to talk to a teen who had seen Joe with the computer on the bus. He also went over the investigating officer's head to speak with a detective from downtown. And on and on... But finally, the investigating officer went to Joe's house and talked to Joe, his Mom and his Stepfather. Basically he did a lot of threatening. He explained that he had Joe basically dead to rights, that because the computer is valued at almost $3000, that's grand theft, and because he's 17 he would be charged as an adult. After all of this, we believe the stepfather sat Joe down and had a little "heart to heart" with him. This resulted in Joe getting the computer and the father turning it over to the police. I got the call on Friday that the officer had recovered the computer and I went down to the precinct and picked it up. And that's making a long story short! Eep.
Sunday, October 8
I have nothing to say. I have nothing constructive to add. I choose to take no position on this or any other matter. Sometimes the best option is to merely abstain from life. I so choose.
Sunday, October 22
I'm in Ireland! Check out the trip journal.
What a busy week it's been. I went to shows on Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. And tonight I'm heading to the Pabst Theater to see some chamber music by Pinchas Zukerman.
A brief synopsis...
Tuesday night Bratmobile played an early show at the Globe. I went with Molly, Misty and Becki. The first band was completely forgettable and I was fighting back the boredom when I spied none other than my friend Marty from Richmond behind the merchandise table. He's out touring with Bratmobile. My evening instantly took a turn for the brighter side. Running into traveling friends is always a delight, and Marty is one wonderful guy. We were able to talk throughout the show. It was a very good thing. Bratmobile played to a small (maybe 60 people) yet pretty enthusiastic crowd. I enjoyed them. Molly had a particularly good time. After the show we went to Baker's Square and had dinner. Since the show had ended early I even managed to make it into bed by eleven. Glory be.
Thursday night I had tickets to the symphony. I stopped by Beans & Barley to get a cup of tea and chat with Molly. I had just come from the dentist where I had a cavity filled, so my mouth was all numb and I was focusing on not drooling all over myself. Sitting next to me were a couple from the Czech Republic. They were in town to play a show at the Globe. A few minutes later a group of guys come in and one of them is wearing a Refused sweatshirt. Oh how I do like Refused. I commented on it, and he said they were from Sweden, and in fact the lead singer from Refused was in their band, International Noise Conspiracy. They were also playing the show. Well, that cemented it. I blew off the symphony and headed instead to the Globe. The band from the Czech Republic was amazing. They were called Sunshine. I was really impressed, and they seemed like really nice people, so I invited them to stay at my apartment. International Noise Conspiracy was also really brilliant. They came out in full matching suits. Davey had told me how great the lead singer was, and I was completely blown away. This guy was spinning, flipping, dancing and shaking all over the place and he never missed a note. Wow. After the show I picked up Molly and we took the people from Sunshine to the apartment and got them all settled in. They were very appreciative and just wanted to head right for bed. Molly and I headed to Paddy's for a quick drink and conversation. A wonderful evening.
It's amazing that the little subculture I am lucky to be a part of (whether you want to call it the scene or hardcore or whatever) allows me to meet so many incredibly wonderful people. I mean, here I just meet these people all the way from the Czech Republic, and there's an instant connection between us. I am so comfortable with them that I have no second thoughts in leaving them in my apartment with an extra set of keys. It's a wonderful life.
Friday night it was right back to the Globe once again. This time it was for Citizen Fish. Once again I was struck by the international nature of our little community. Karoline was traveling with them (she's an old and true friend from Wisconsin) as was Richard (another old friend and roadie extraordinaire). It was good to see old friends. Karoline is doing well, she just returned from Japan where she toured with her husband Robert's band What Happens Next?. Richard has been working on a house that he bought in Oakland, shoring up the roof, and working on the foundation. He's a handy guy. (Now there's an understatement.) As always, Citizen Fish brought out a lot of the old crowd. I was surprised how many of the old friends weren't there. Many of them have moved, and I kept expecting to see Duwayne or Rico or Mike or any number of other people in the crowd. Things change and people move on, but getting bitter and jaded gets you nowhere. It was enough to simply touch on those warm feelings remembered while Dick and Citizen Fish sang the old songs.
Saturday night Molly and I met her Mom and some of her family at Nash's pub on Lincoln. It's a really nice place. I'd like to go back and spend some more time there. Molly's brother Matt was there, as well as a couple of their friends from when they were growing up. Seems like they were little hellions. They shared stories of growing up and it was nice to sit back and listen in. Made me feel like I was a pretty good kid. After a pint or two at Nash's we were off to the Riverwest Commons where Milt, Justin, and Dug (the mighty I Give Up!) were playing a show. We showed up just after they had started to play. I wandered about and had a couple of nice conversations. Just another show and just another night. This is my life. And it's not such a bad thing.
Sunday, November 12
Entry deleted.
Okay, so I majored in political science as an undergrad and graduate student. My poli sci colors are showing this week after quite an interesting presidential election. It seems that nobody has won. At least not yet. I was up until 2 in the morning waiting for the final results. It has come down to Florida and its 25 electoral votes. It may be the case that Gore will win the popular vote but lose the election. It has happened before. Three times in fact. In 1876, 1888 and a really strange election in 1824. I've been able to run around and talk about these old elections and spout off about politics and political institutions and people have actually been listening to me! Oh, it's ever so exciting. But seriously, I think it's actually pretty cool that people are finally taking the time to find out about the electoral process in this country. I've had serious discussions with people about the electoral college, why it was founded, and what it does. I've also been astounded by the level of ignorance of the American people concerning their own government. It's been quite a learning experience for me, and I'm really enjoying it.
Sunday, November 26
Thanksgiving weekend. I didn't do a damn thing but sleep late and just enjoy having a break from school. Well, that's not entirely true. The evenings have been quite eventful. Thanksgiving night Dug and India and I went to a show at the Cactus Club. Insidious, Abracadaver, Wrecker and Melt-Banana (from Japan) played. Wrecker was great, as always. Melt-Banana completely blew me away. It's interesting that the last three bands that have really impressed me have been from other countries: Sunshine (Czech Republic), (International) Noise Conspiracy (Sweden) and now Melt-Banana. It was a swell evening.
Friday night India and I went out to eat and then went to see the symphony. Joshua Bell performed. A fine solid performance with three excellent pieces. I had a good time. yup.
Last night Molly and India had a party at their apartment. It turned out to be a rather large get-together. I'm quite proud of myself. I'm normally a pretty reserved person at parties. I'll find a couple of people that I know and we'll hang out in a corner of the party and talk all night long. If that opportunity isn't available, I usually hang out for about 30 minutes before feeling out of place and nervous and then head on home. But last night I made an effort to actually meet people. And I met a lot of people. And that's a good thing I suppose. I'm not exactly sure that any of them will become friends, but I had conversations with people that I had only seen around previously, so now perhaps I won't feel so awkward in saying hello to them when I see them out on the street. I also met some new people. I guess it's not really possible (or if it's possible, it's certainly rare) to jump right into a deep and heavy discussion with someone at a large party. The conversations I had with people certainly weren't very heavy, just simple "getting to know you" kind of stuff, but I enjoyed it. I've found that many times it's simply a matter of getting over my fears and insecurities in order to have a good time and meet some new people. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Yesterday night it just happened to work. Yay.
Today I'm focusing on getting this website updated. It's been entirely too long. There are all sorts of things that I think I'd like to do with this thing. It's simply a matter of sitting down and figuring out how to do them. As you can probably guess from looking at this site, I'm learning as I go along. Forward.
Sunday, December 3
It has been a truly lazy day. Sometimes it's good to just be okay with being lazy. Such is the case today. I don't have much to do and I don't feel like doing much. It works out quite well. I tend to really get caught up in feeling as though I have to be productive. I often measure my days in terms of how much I feel I got done. And sometimes I can be busy all day and still feel as though I haven't accomplished anything. For example, sometimes I have duty at the Center or perhaps a meeting for this or that. I attend the meeting and end up with more to do than I did when I went into the meeting. It can get kind of frustrating. Battling the unending "to do list" is not the healthiest or happiest way to get through life. I know this, but I still get caught up in it. That's why I enjoy days like this. I'm just going to take it easy and enjoy my day. ...but maybe I should go do laundry...and so it begins...
Sunday, December 10
It's my sister Kelly's birthday. Happy Birthday Kelly!!
And so we still don't have a president elect. I just have one thought on the matter. As I wrote in here previously, I think it's good that this entire debacle has ignited interest in the electoral process in this country. People are learning about their democratic institutions function and also becoming more keenly aware that this country is a republic after all, and not a direct democracy. But as the fight for the Presidency drags on into weeks, people are growing tired of it all. I've heard people say that they don't care who wins, just as long as it's over. Well, let me just say that it does matter. It matters who is in the White House. It will matter for the next four years. It matters who will nominate possible openings on the Supreme Court. It will matter for the environment, for health care, and it will matter for fiscal policy. There are differences between the stated policies of Gore and Bush and to sweep those under the rug simply because we're sick of hearing about all of this is nonsense. I've also heard people on television and the street talk about Gore being a "sore loser" by pushing this through the legal system. But if the roles were reversed, we would see Bush pursuing the exact strategies currently being taken by Gore. The larger issue as I see it, revolves around rights. Gore isn't doing anything illegal or even underhanded. He is merely exercising his rights as guaranteed in the Constitution. It bothers me that people who ask for their rights (be it an illegal immigrant or a nominee for this nation's highest office) are tagged as "sore losers" or people who are clogging the legal system. Rights are rights. They are not privileges. They are not matters of convenience. Due process and protection under the law take time. And they should take time. There is a significant danger to pushing for the quick fix for legal matters. If we want expeditiousness to be the prime driver in our legal systems, then we run the risk of headlong flight into Draconian realms of justice. Everyone has the right to demand their rights. It's as simple as that. Those who say that there is a threat to the legitimacy of the Presidency are fools. More dangerous still, they are fools with agendas. There is no threat to the legitimacy of the Presidency. Our democracy is not in peril. Those who enter the office of the Presidency are mere people. They are nothing more and nothing less. It is the office of the Presidency with both it's power and it's trappings that make these mere men Presidents. It is the office and not the man. The Executive branch of the government is not in danger of a loss of legitimacy. People may have strong feelings about the person who is about to assume that office, but there is no evidence that anyone is ready to question the office itself. Tomorrow the question goes before the Supreme Court. I am interested to hear what they will have to say.
Sunday, December 17
Let's hear it for friends, both old and new. As I'm writing this my apartment is filled with new friends. They're the boys (and roadie girl) in the band Good Clean Fun. They're from DC, and played a show here in Milwaukee yesterday afternoon. I had met Mike (their bassist) when they played in Richmond in June. I met him again here in Milwaukee last month (albeit very briefly) when he was roadie-ing for (International) Noise Conspiracy. The point is, I really didn't know any of these guys until yesterday, and now here they are, new friends, and staying at my apartment. I know I've said it before, but wow, what a wonderful community. There's a connection with people that you've never met before, there are assumptions you can make about these people you've just met, and so you can move directly into a friendship without any of the awkward ritualistic maneuvering and discovery that comes with connecting with people in "the world". And because this little realm called the scene, the chances are that we have plenty of mutual friends throughout the country. This provides a context and another basis for friendship and sharing conversations. Sometimes, such as with the guys in Good Clean Fun, I can catch up on news about some of my other friends across the country that I haven't heard from in awhile. It's kind of like a punk rock Pony Express.
I've gotten involved with the creation of the Riverwest Co-op. I've felt as though I wanted to get involved in something new, and this has fit the bill very nicely. The Co-op is located at 733 Clarke St. in Riverwest (obviously). It's been something that has been developing for over three years, but now it seems as though things are moving along very rapidly. I feel as though I've become involved at a very auspicious time. Simply the fact that there is now a physical space has really gotten things moving. There is a lot to do. The floors need to be completely redone, the bathroom needs to be completed, a business plan must be compiled, grants written, equipment bought, articles of incorporation and by-laws filed. It's a huge and daunting task. My friend Andy is right at the center of it all, and is really quite an inspiration. I'm working on the creation of the business plan with Andy and three others, and I'm also in charge of creating a database for the membership and the inventory. I hope I haven't bitten off more than I can chew. But I feel as though I'm ready for the challenge. This is something that I really view as positive. It also helps that there is a physical space, and so there is a sense of building something real and concrete. The Riverwest Co-op will be a space where people can go buy healthy food, get a hot cup of coffee and build community. It is absolutely worthy of my time and best effort. I'm sure I'll be writing more about this in journal entries to come. Hopefully it will come off as a success.
Monday, December 25 Christmas
Merry Christmas all. It's Christmas and I'm all alone in the apartment. Stephanie is in Green Bay. All of my friends have headed home for the day. It's just as well however, as I'm laid up with a rather nasty head cold. I figure if I've got to be sick, it might as well be today. All of my friends are gone, and all the shops are closed. I haven't ventured out of the apartment in two days. It's brutally cold outside. I really have nothing of interest to say. It's been an entirely uneventful holiday break thus far. Hope all who read this had a really wonderful day. Until next time...
